Keep it coming… I can take it.

4 min readOct 20, 2017

I think.

All my life I have always been surrounded by people who are free and willing … daily if needed … to let me know 5–10 things I should improve upon, need to self-reflect on or fix. Often it’s just a list of things I think I’m good at but in their eyes I am not.

Ok now what?

Sure I have typically in the past used this to fuel my fire and push on to do what I do and build a business.

I have, up until today, thought these things about myself.

I am strong.

I am passionate about helping people improve their quality of life.

I see gifts in people that they don’t see in themselves.

I help people. I give as much as I can. I strive to uplift and empower

I write to share my journey in how I problem solve and heal. Hoping to help others.

Today I was, in a nutshell told I am none of things. And that at the end of the day my messages come off pathetic and woe is me along with attention seeking. And ultimately should keep personal feelings to myself and not blog publicly about my thoughts and revelations.

My morning instantly went to shit.

It still is pretty shitty.

This advice came from someone I respect. So that made it a harder pill to swallow. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results….

My problem is this though ..

I am not sure anymore what results I’m looking for. So insanity ensues.

I will tell you what I don’t want. I don’t want to look at social media and feel negative, less than, or overwhelmed that I can’t keep up with the instagram fitness stars of today. I feel that daily. I started writing down what gave me joy on social media and what made me want to vomit.

Pretty telling list.

I should probably go dark on all 16 social media platforms I have actively used to grow my business.

What would that solve? I would need a new job to support my family for starters. Social media is my marketing department. So there is that. I considered deactivating my personal page and focusing on only clients and my writing but Facebook won’t allow for that to be a seamless transition.

I cannot continue to circle back to this negative discussion I keep having with myself. I think many people can relate.

I also know it is stupid to play the victim. I have learned to use all the crap from my past to propel me forward … but damn it still exists. Some days I feel like I’m forbidden to feel, be sad, grieve, or even get angry.

So I write

And it helps. Because at the end I always find a lesson.

Even though my day is still pretty shitty — I am certain of this…..

I am still strong.

I will always be passionate about helping people improve their quality of life

I can't help but see gifts in people that they don’t see in themselves- it’s who I am.

I help people. I give as much as I can. I strive to uplift and empower BUT I know that I will never be all things to all people. Even if I feel I’m giving it all I have it may still never be enough to some people.

And I will continue to write to share my journey in how I problem solve and heal. Hoping to help others.

What am I going to change?

I am actively disconnecting myself from all things that make me feel less than or like I’m going down the victim rabbit hole or worse yet…. make me want to vomit. I will be me. And do me.

There will be a follow up to this. I am currently not ready to write everything I am feeling. I have more to sort out. More to do. And quite frankly I’m feeling like I need to start standing up for myself a bit more.

At the risk of avoiding confrontation I typically apologize and admit responsibility for whatever it is I did that the other person doesn’t like. I am finding however that even though my feelings are hurt I rarely if ever get an apology or admission of anything from the other person. Does that mean I’m always wrong, I’m always the asshole and I deserve this shitty day.

Maybe.

Stay tuned. I’ll figure it out soon. I hope.

All creative and intellectual property produced by Staci Boyer / Motiv8nu/ or Team Motiv8nu are protected by copyright law. No image or written excerpt may be sold, edited, reproduced, published or distributed in any form or by any means whatsoever without prior written permission from Staci Boyer

Keep it coming… I can take it.

Even though my day is still pretty shitty — I am certain of this…..

What am I going to change?

Written by Staci Boyer